Who Needs Foreplay?
Every now and then I do intimacy ‘hot takes’ on my Instagram where I invite in my followers to send in a potential hot take so we can all vote and see where our opinions are in regards to our community.
I should note - the results are fun to see but there is zero shame in going against the grain!
This week I asked my community about foreplay and more poignantly - do you prefer foreplay before bedroom time?
I was convinced that the people stating that they “begin and end in the bedroom” were going to be male bodied individuals so when I opened up the results to check in on my gross judgement - I was shocked to see they were all female bodied individuals!
As a self proclaimed sensualist who thrives on energetic connection, I have a belief that I need to feel turned on before the bedroom otherwise my mind is going to be in a million other arenas and any sort of sexual mission will be thwarted by my mental mind making to do lists or thinking about emails.
I know this behaviour isn’t sexy - I am working on unlearning this mental patterning but everything takes time.
Let’s dive into the idea of foreplay and why it deserves to play a bigger role in your life shall we?
definition
foreplay
noun · fore·play · ˈfȯr-plā
erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse
an action or behaviour that precedes an event
When I read this definition, I can’t help but notice the breakdown of the word makeup. FOR PLAY! Most of us are rushing through life, tending to work, family, friends, social engagements - the list could go on and on and on.
When I check in with friends to see what are they up to, they never respond with - I’m playing!
If sexual foreplay isn’t your thing -
I urge you to fit in more moments of play in your day to day life.
You deserve it - I promise!
As I keep writing, I’ll be discussing foreplay as it pertains to our sexual and sensual intimacy but please don’t forget that foreplay can exist in all areas of your life.
Are you going on a first date?
Lean into some foreplay and give yourself
permission to have a dance party to get your energetic juices flowing!
Perhaps you are headed to a dreaded family dinner?
What can you do for yourself that would make that dinner less trash?
Can you phone a friend and vent about your frustration?
Can you zone out and watch Instagram reels of puppies being cute?
What action could you take that could potentially set yourself up for a little less dread?
Okay, let’s dive back into sexual foreplay!
Foreplay is much more than just a prelude to sex, it is a crucial element in building connection and enhancing intimacy between partners. Foreplay can involve a range of activities that help increase arousal and prepare the body for sexual intercourse, but its benefits extend far further than just physical readiness.
Engaging in conscious foreplay fosters emotional closeness, strengthens trust, and deepens the bond with your beloved! It allows individuals to explore each other's bodies, discover preferences, and cultivate a sense of safety and comfort. By dedicating time to foreplay, couples (or casual dating partners!) can create a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience that is rooted in mutual understanding and affection.
If you are like me, the idea of taking action on foreplay can feel a bit intimidating, especially if there are fears or insecurities around sexual expression. Reminder: sexual shame runs rampant in many people but it is also a very low vibrating frequency of energy that is holding you back from feeling fulfilled.
It is vital to remember that foreplay doesn't have to be elaborate or scripted. It can start with a simple yet affectionate touch in the middle of the day. It can be a mid-day spicy text message to let your intimate parter know you are thinking about them in a saucy way! You could share a compliment to stroke your partners ego - because who doesn’t need a little confidence pick me up?
That being said, communication is key when it comes to foreplay. What turns you on, may not turn your partner on. So do yourself a favor and have a conversation with your intimate partner, outside of the bedroom, to discuss what turns you on, check in with consent and perhaps let yourself get a little vulnerable and share about some of your fears regarding intimacy.
I promise you, the idea of communicating is far scarier than it is in real life. Most of my clients come to me stating that they are petrified of communicating their deepest wants, needs and desires. So if you are in that boat, please know you are not alone!
Foreplay is truly just an opportunity to learn about each other's bodies and deepen the emotional connection, making the entire sexual experience more enjoyable and meaningful.
So my dear, go forth and get curious about what foreplay turns you on and I dare you to share that with your next intimate partner and see if your connection grows and if you can feel more pleasure!
If the idea of having a conversation about foreplay is frightening to you
- or -
if you don’t know how to speak up for your deepest wants, needs and desires
Let’s have a chat - I’d love to help you free your voice so you can feel more pleasure!
