I shared a story on Instagram about how I learned to hate my body - specifically my boobs at a middle school dance a little while ago. The responses in my DMs both made me terribly sad because I heard stories from women about how they learned to hate themselves from little jerks in their past. Some of these stories were still plaguing women and hindering them from feeling pure pleasure and joy.

I often like to remind my clients - if you were taught a behaviour, you can unlearn it.

I’d like to share about my unlearning of my self hatred.
Let’s go on a journey - shall we?

We’re going to go back a few years - rewind to 2016 - I am 29 years old. I am working in high finance in New York City - making the most money I’ve ever made. I am in the 4th year of a relationship that would die in its 5th and my then partner looked at me and dared to say, “You aren’t happy.”

I was furious - I was certain that I had found the key to happiness which was a six figure job and an office with a door. I spent my entire life trying to not become my parents so when I had hit financial security - I thought the hard work was over.

Oh how I was wrong.

I sat in my anger for a few days and then clicked around on the interwebs and stumbled across the divinely joyful Dana Balicki. A part of me hated her bright disposition and then a bigger part in my loved a freebie so I signed up for a guided meditation from her.

Somehow we ended up on a consultation call to work with her 1:1. She dared ask me the question, “Do you love yourself?” to which I audibly scoffed and am pretty sure I told her to f**k off. I was shocked at my response and even more shocked that she did not seem miffed at all.

Before I knew it, I was investing the most amount of money I had ever spent on myself and I hired her as a transformational life coach. Together she fearlessly helped me to uncover what was blocking me from loving myself. The next 8 weeks unfolded and I quickly realized my then partner was right. I was deeply depressed and I had hated myself for so long, I wasn’t even aware of that fact.

The work I did with her was hard - I’m talking ugly girl sobbing on the floor hard but it led me to where I am today and I am so grateful.

Dana had recommended heaps of books to me along our journey and one of them is Mirror Work by Louise Hay. The book promised I’d love myself in 21 days and I was shocked that by the end… I truly did have the foundation to love myself.

If you’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts - I get it. We have all spent far too many years being hard on ourselves and it leads us to self abandoning which has some terrible side effects if you don’t combat those thoughts.

Almost all of the women and vulva-havers that I have had the joy of working with have expressed an extreme displeasure with their bodies or with how they fit in the world. This is a book recommendation that I never tire of and I hope you find it as enriching as I did.

If this topic scares you - maybe it is time to take a look at that thought patterning. Feel free to reach out to me. I’m here to listen and support you. At the very least, I want you to know that you aren’t alone and self love is far more achievable than you may think. Go forth and seek self love, my sweet.